It seems as though today is a day for thinking. Not that on other days I don't think... but today is a deep thinking day. I have been reflecting on my life and where I am at. I have come to the conclusion that I am not sure that I like where I am at....
I find myself asking if this is it.
Is this going to be my life from now until the day I die.
Don't get me wrong. I am not feeling suicidal or terribly morose about anything in particular. I have just been wondering about things that are deeper.
I am happy in my life. I like my job, I love my husband, I have good friends and good family. But something still seems to feel amiss.
Maybe its not just the cheese I had last night that is making me think more deeply... maybe its God nudging the apathetic me into thought.
The more I think about things the more I feel sure that God is trying to say "Hey! remember me!"
I think I am feeling the void that only He can fill. I am realizing the absolute need that I have for God. I can try a million ways to avoid that fact. I can try and distract myself from it, or fill my life with things that I think are fun and take up a lot of my time... but that need for God will remain. No matter what!
I have no idea how to begin again in God. Praying is probably a good start. Somehow I DO know that He will always be there when I do pray. That He will be there for me to lean on no matter how many times I have to stumble and fall before I get there. I know that He loves me more than I can even begin to understand. Those things I KNOW in my heart of hearts.
So maybe today I can have a fresh start in God. Maybe today I can find out what God has for me. I think today is a day for surrendering to God. To give up all that I am. All that I think I am, and all that I have dreamt of being. To give it all up to a God who loves me as much as he does seems like a good plan. I think I would rather dive right into Him, than miss out on something amazing.
I don't know why I felt compelled to tell the world about my thoughts today... but maybe someone else needs to get nudged a bit too!
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- shantala
- 30 something christian sharing My journey through life
5 comments:
Nudge...dude, i need to be shuved! hahahahahaha, Great thoughts, and i totally agree. I am always busy, but when am i finding time for God who should be the first to be scheduled!
Hi, you wanted to get started in God and did not know how to start, well I think you have already started and you told everyone who reads your blog and one of the people that was reading along with us was God, you are so blessed.
Okay Sister #1 here...I think we all feel a little dis-connected at times, sometimes moreso - now in my 40's, and watching time just slip by at light speed, I find myself starving for time to ponder, reflect, go to a place where I can just listen to nature. This is where I feel close to Him. I don't go to Church, I can't say I miss it, except singing hymms; my Church is my garden where its just me and Him, where I can talk to God and pray freely without distractions. I think we all need a 'place' to recharge, reconnect and think clearly about life. So that's my blog for today and my first one I might add! Love you, NTxo
Great post - thanks for sharing!
your name is changed:)
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